Do you take the time to wrap up a conversation wisely?

We all have filters and hear things differently.  So often, we leave a conversation believing something we said was heard, when in reality the other person had a very different take away. 

  • “No son, you may not take the keys to the car.”  
  • “But Dad, you said that on Christmas, not today.” 
  • “Please deliver the report to me by the end of the day.” 
  • “I heard you ask that of my partner. I had no idea you wanted that from me.”  

There is no more efficient and honest way to make sure you were heard, than to ask directly, “What did you hear me say?”  Either you were heard clearly or you will be remarkably surprised at how one form of communication got shifted into something quite different than what was intended. (If any of you have teens, I need not explain more.)  In business or at home, use this tool in one-on-one talks, small meetings or family dinners. 

3 Conversation Closing Tips (key: always with a tone of curiosity):

1. “Before we leave, would you mind telling me what you heard me say?” OR “Could we tell each other what we each heard the other person say?”

2. “Thanks for meeting. Before we wrap up, I would appreciate if you would (each) tell me the main theme you heard from me.”

3. “Thanks for your time. May I ask you one thing? What was the main thing you heard from me today?”

Often, words and meanings can be twisted and turned due to distraction, anxiety, fear, or even just a bad night’s sleep. Think of this closing process as a form of self care in addition to consideration of others. If we take responsibility for communicating clearly what we have to say, the relational frustration, stress and time that comes with miscommunication disappears!  

For a deeper dive into self-awareness, check out this article on filters.


Curious how your leadership and relational dynamics are impacting the workplace?


I’m here to discuss your business goals and how WIT’s communication-based wellness solutions may be a fit for you.
~ Tori


Praise for Wit

Last year I made a serious effort to improve employee retention because it is key to my business success.  My employees are my best asset and I wanted to improve loyalty and morale.  I hired Tori and her team of WIT professionals as a “wellness” benefit for my employees and I have been astounded at how much it has helped.  I thought I was hiring Tori to help my employees, but as the business owner, Tori provides me a level of support that is unmatched by any HR professional or counselor.  She is my first call when I need advice and wise counsel regarding all of my business relationships.

Kathy Franklin, Owner, European Wax Center - Castro Valley, CA

As a trusted licensed marriage and family therapist for 25+ years, Tori has journeyed relationship challenges with executives, non-profit and church leaders, their families and friends.  Her expertise provides a focused approach that efficiently penetrates the mind and holds the heart. Her compassion for each situation is palatable. Her devotion to each company is impressive. The results are effective.

Tom Dowd - Owner, Dowd and Guild - San Ramon, CA
Kristi Rinehart

Tori has a knack for bringing clarity to core issues in communication and relationships in tension and then providing concrete steps forward. Her professional coaching has been instrumental in helping me navigate delicate client negotiations with integrity. I highly recommend her as a go-to advisor and coach on all things relational.

Kristi Rinehart - Principal, Rinehart Marketing - Coeur d'Alene, ID

WIT Professionals is an amazing team of professionals that helps your business improve the culture, productivity, and well-being of your workforce. Tori helps engage healthy strategies with the burdensome challenges we all face in work and life relationships. Tori is truly gifted at assisting leaders and employees with understanding their own internal and relational barriers. I cannot speak highly enough of Tori Dabasinskas.

Jeff Hunt, Founder & CEO, GOALSpan - San Francisco, CA

Our company has used Tori to assist with communication, provide clarity and new perspectives to our employees through group training sessions on Stress Management.  She has also been instrumental in supporting our management team.  Tori is an active listener, who asks deepening questions throughout the process.  This approach allows both parties a deeper understanding of the issue and helps the individual reach a solution with greater confidence.  By doing so, we are more comfortable dealing with difficult situations. 

Tina Onderbeke - Executive VP & Partner, Dowd and Guild - San Ramon, CA

Tori has a relational style that instantly creates an atmosphere of openness and mutual respect.  She has a keen ability to empower, affirm and show compassion to everyone.  She sees all sides to an issue and helps resolve communication challenges swiftly.  Her sense of humor and overflowing joy always lifts our spirits and her wisdom and giftedness has saved me hours and hours of stress. 

Kathy Franklin, Owner, European Wax Center - Castro Valley, CA

Rather than letting frustrations build and damage workplace relationships, Tori has helped us meet communication challenges by diffusing them through understanding.  Tori is a true professional who is able to put people immediately at ease and engage in meaningful conversation, which ultimately leads to better decision making and solutions.

Tina Onderbeke - Executive VP & Partner, Dowd and Guild - San Ramon, CA
Valley Dental Group - Dr. Kane, Dr. Chan, Dr. St. Marie

We really loved having Tori and Mary-Beth speak to our company. It was one of the most professional and personally beneficial staff meetings we have had to date. We loved having their perspective on personalities and inter office relationships and really striving to know ourselves better so that we can interact better as a team. They are a wonderful asset to our company!

Dr. Kane, Dr. Chan and Dr. St. Marie, Valley Dental Group - Renton, WA
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